My Pit of Despair

Of late, I have been on the most incredible journey of self-destruction. What's worse; I have insight. So, I'm actually watching myself spiral out of control, behaving in ways that I would never have considered possible until now. It's a most bizarre experience.

I wake up every morning, promising myself today is the day that I get my life back on track; that I actually have reached my personal bottom and it's time to start getting better.

I'm not sure what happens after that. I get up, go to work, parent my kids, partner my husband and commit suicide in a slow and actually quite painful way. I overeat, drink far too much and actively avoid the things I know are good for me; like exercising my body and my mind. Lately,I'm told, I've become quite a belligerent drunk. Charmed, I'm sure.

All this insight and I'm still on a collision course with oblivion. What. The. Fuck. Seriously, what part of this am I not getting?

Anyone...Anyone... Bueller?