My Pit of Despair
Of late, I have been on the most incredible journey of self-destruction. What's worse; I have insight. So, I'm actually watching myself spiral out of control, behaving in ways that I would never have considered possible until now. It's a most bizarre experience.
I wake up every morning, promising myself today is the day that I get my life back on track; that I actually have reached my personal bottom and it's time to start getting better.
I'm not sure what happens after that. I get up, go to work, parent my kids, partner my husband and commit suicide in a slow and actually quite painful way. I overeat, drink far too much and actively avoid the things I know are good for me; like exercising my body and my mind. Lately,I'm told, I've become quite a belligerent drunk. Charmed, I'm sure.
All this insight and I'm still on a collision course with oblivion. What. The. Fuck. Seriously, what part of this am I not getting?
Anyone...Anyone... Bueller?
posted by Anna @ 13:36
6 comments
6 Comments:
Write me a really long email. Everything you want to say and can't seem to say it. Or, tell me what you would say to me if you read this post on my blog.
I'm out here, friend. *hugs*
CP.
I might be going to Dublin next year. So you have something to look forward to, no need to blow your brains out!
Ditto.
Someone asked me "what do you want?". I don't know the answer, or at least won't allow myself to hear the answer, yet.
I found you through dunner and I just wanted to say I really enjoyed what I read of your blog. And the pit of despair... I know the feeling!
Going to be my first time commenting, but just wanted to say, If you need a total stranger (with the best name ever) to talk to, send me an email.
All you can do is take it one day at a time, good luck.
How's it going?
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