A la Letterman

Top ten ways my body has betrayed me this week:

10. Waking me up in the middle of the night and not letting me go back to sleep until ten minutes before the alarm went off. I thought we were over that!

9. Drying my mouth out and closing my throat thus making me say "CACK" while I was trying to read a very serious report aloud. Very professional.

8. Developing a chest infection which cost me a LOT of money in doctors visits, prescriptions and Hot Whiskey ingredients.

7. Hoarking up a lung. Which I still haven't found.

6. Implementing hot and cold spells with no warning and often at the same time.

5. Producing enough mucus to make me gag and then doing so within earshot of the children. Like they weren't freaked out enough that Mom is sick.

4. Kicking in the ole "feed a cold, feed a fever" habit.

3. Making me wheeze like an eighty five year old fifty a day smoker. Pass me my air.

2. Making me aroused just in case I don't live through this. Dead sexy.

And the number 1 way in which my body betrayed me this week :

Sneeze - wet myself.