Stoned

Oh.My.God. There is something very wrong with me. I am bloated up like Elvis before he died. And apparently, I swallowed a balloon full of noxious gas. One that constantly refills itself. It hurts. A lot. I might be dying. Slowly.

I think it's my gall bladder. If you press on my distended pregnant-lookin belly right up near my sternum, you call feel hard lil bally type things. (I know, my use of medical terminology is stunning, isn't it?) Stones, or lymph nodes that have gone into hyperdrive; I'm not sure which. I'm not even sure it matters.

Having no insurance in Ireland means waiting til it's acute and going to the Emergency Department. Last year when I was having a slightly less painful version of this problem I saw a doctor who gave me a prescription for antacids and a painkiller. He said when the first stopped working to start on the second as I'll be waiting around the hospital for a good few hours before being attended to, but that really, there was nothing more he could do for me. And by the way, it's possible for a human to live on bananas and rice forever.

I've read about something called a liver flush, which has apparently been used successfully for centuries but I'm afraid to try it for a couple of reasons. The first thing I'm afraid of is having to drink epsom salts and olive oil. I'm gagging as I type! The second thing that scares me about this is having read one woman's story of trying a liver flush and ending up in the hospital with jaundice and pancreatitis. Surely a lil laser surgery is preferable, no?

So...do I go back to bananas and rice and try to hold it off a little longer, or do I just go nuts and try to bring it on over the weekend and be done with it?