Irish - North American Dictionary

With Paddy's Day nearly upon us, I thought it might be nice to provide you with the benefit of what we've learned in our short time here on the Emerald Isle. If you've never been here, you might not see the need for an Irish to North American dictionary. If you are planning to come here, you'd do well to take note of the following, after all, it's not all leprechauns and shillelaghs!

• "After" - means just finished. If you just returned from shopping, you'd say "I'm after getting home from the shops"
• "All it ever does is rain in this fuckin' country" - Irish weather report. Also a direct quote made by the pregnant, seventeen year old manager of the Allied Irish Bank!
• "Bin" - garbage can. If you throw something out, you "bin it".
• "Black Pudding" - a delightful sausage like substance made from blood and oatmeal. Fried and served for breakfast.
• "Bollocks" - this colourful word for testicles is very versatile. You can obviously kick someone in the bollocks, you can express disappointment, anger or frustration (oh, BOLLOCKS!!), you can insult someone (you're a bollocks) or describe a mistake (I really made a bollocks of that)
• "Bono" - God/Prime Minister/King
• "Brian McFadden" former member of Westlife; on record for having written the worst song ever to enter the Eurovision song contest.
• "Colin Farrell" - beer drinking, woman chasing Irishman, well on his way to icon status in this country. Often refered to as "your man". Stunning example of the Irish male's lack of knowledge in eyebrow care.
• "Craic" (pronounced crack)- another of those words with many meanings. Fun (it's good craic), news (what's the craic?), catch all (spent the night at the pub and all that craic).
• "Dinner" - lunch
• "Directions" - asking for these is THE easiest way to get lost in Dublin.
• "Dublin Bus" - means late. I'm still trying to figure out how they are always late when their average speed is eighty miles an hour. The standing joke is they come every thirty minutes or whenever they feel like it. I've hit a sign post, another bus and several trees while riding the bus and our friend Donna has been hit by one! She's fine.
• "Eejit" - Idiot.
• "Eggs" - well, eggs are eggs but there are no white eggs in Ireland. Just an interesting tidbit.
• "Feck" - Irish people say fuck so often that they have developed a second word so they don't repeat themselves so often. Using this strategy, they can say fuck up to four times in one sentence!
• "First thing in the morning" - noonish
• "Fuck" - pronounced fook. Same meanings as Canada, just used more here. In Ireland, you're more likely to hear the "F" word used by teachers, doctors, police, bank managers, real estate agents, little old ladies.....
• "Garden" - back yard
• "Get the boat" - f*** off
• "Give out" - telling off, scolding
• "Give out yards" - add a few fecks and fooks while "giving out"
• "Gobshite" - asshole
• "Grand" - means fine, good. When asked how you are, you'd reply, "I'm grand"
• "Garda" - police
• "Guinness" - mmmmm Guinness
• "Hob" - stove top
• "Holding your piss" - biting your tongue, not saying stuff you shoudn't say
• "Holy Communion" - eight year old gets the day off school, parents throw a big feckin party. Kid gets more money than s/he knows what to do with. No one seems to know or care that it's connected to religion.
• "Holy Confirmation" - twelve year old gets the day off school, parents throw a big feckin party. Kid is given a ridiculous amount of money. No one seems to know or care that it's connected to religion.
• "I couldn't be arsed" - means I couldn't care less. Also the motto for customer service in this country.
• "Irish Breakfast" - heart attack on a plate. One slimey egg, rashers, sausage, fried mushrooms, black pudding, white pudding and toast. Costs about thirty bucks
• "Kip" - shit hole. eg - "your house is a kip"
• "Knackered" - tired
• "Messing" - kidding. Everyone is "just messin" or "only messin"
• "Muppet" - idiot
• "Muppet mobile" - you've seen them... those stupid little cars all done up. Usually driven recklessly by some muppet.
• "Not a bother" - no problem
• "On the pull" - out with the intention of hooking up with someone.
• "Press" - cupboard. I have no explanation for this and neither do the Irish.
• "Poxy" - crappy. You'd say "that poxy phone company still hasn't been out to hook me up"
• "Rasher" - back bacon
• "Session" - a night on the town
• "Shite" - variation of shit. Same meaning, just pronounced with a long I.
• "Slag" - means to make fun of, usually in a cruel way.
• "Slapper" - woman of questionable virtue.
• "Sorted" - fixed, sorted out.
• "Supper" - an evening snack
• "Taking a piss" - when your drunk cousin jumps off a horse drawn carriage in the middle of Dublin and urinates on a hotel.
• "Taking the piss" - joking. "Are you taking the piss with me?"
• "Tea" - supper
• "Tree" - three. The Irish don't pronounce their "H's". 33 1/3 is pronounced, tirty tree and a turd.
• "Tuesday week" - a week from Tuesday
• "We'll send someone right out" - see "taking the piss" or "Tuesday week"
• "Westlife" a highly popular boy band who make their living singing covers. Which is good. See "Brian McFadden" above.
• "Wreckin me head" - making me crazy
• "Your Man" or "Your Woman" - replaces the subject in a sentence when both parties know who they are talking about. Does not necessarily mean their partner. "I'm after running into your man at the bank"
• "Yoke" - can mean anything. Often used to replace a word when you can't think of the real one, or just couldn'd be arsed to say it. "Put the box over there on the yoke"