The Sting of Rejection
There was a time when I thought I'd like to be a professional actor. While I'm pretty good at acting like I know what I'm doing and acting as though I give a shit most of the time, I'm more than a little bad at receiving rejection.
I had an interview for a job last Friday. It wasn't a job I particularly wanted, however, I am now four weeks away from being unemployed so every job is something I am burning to do and this one was the only one out of about half a dozen applications that had shortlisted me for interview.
The interview process itself was somewhat gruelling. First there was a group interview which started off with all the candidates, the interview panel, four members of staff and a partridge in a pear tree sitting in a circle and playing word association memory games so that we could all feel less, I mean, more comfortable with one another. We were asked several questions about large issues and then scored on our answers and the way in which we affected the group dynamic. The rest of the day included a written test and an individual interview. I left feeling confident that while I may not get the job, I'd done my best and hadn't let myself down.
This feeling lasted through the weekend and well into Monday. Tuesday, I was still okay, felt pretty confident that it was too soon for a decision to have been made. By Wednesday evening I had decided I didn't get the job. Thursday afternoon this was confirmed.
Immediately, my cheeks were on fire with the shame of it. (The shame of what, exactly?) Somehow, I went from feeling that I'd done my best and que sera sera to rewriting every moment of the day and casting myself as a loud, obnoxious, overconfident, underskilled buffoon. My rational self knows that this isn't true but my irrational self has gone over it and over it making it worse each time and chipping away at my self-esteem.
And after months of eating well and losing weight, I find myself slipping into old patterns of self-comfort which are all about eating and sleeping whether I need to or not.
This sucks. And it's not even close to being over yet.
posted by Anna @ 16:54
9 comments
9 Comments:
I love your blog.
You're better off not getting that job. They can't seriously think a group interview is the appropriate setting to bring out the best in candidates.
Probably their washrooms are co-ed and cubicle-less as well.
I agree with nanuk, a group interview is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard of. Well, maybe in your industry it's not, but for everyone else it is.
As for not getting it. Who knows? Like you said, you did your best. You could have been a close second. You have no idea what the final criteria was. Why beat yourself up for it? If you didn't feel upset about it you'd be unusual, which leads me to the last comment...
Ever wonder why most (not all) actors are airheads? Well I think it's because you need to have vacant spaces in your brain in order to withstand rejection and come back over and over and over again. Thinking people can't stand such rejection. Only the brainless can.
Go do something fun!
at least they had the courtesy to call you back to let you know. I did so many interviews all over Dublin last October and most of them didn't even have the courtesy to send me a rejection letter, dickless bastards
Anna doll - I just wanna tell you something. Just because you didn't get the job doesn't mean you flubbed the interview. Sometimes there is someone who is better qualified. Ever think of that? This doesn't mean YOU failed, it just means someone else succeeded. Please look at it that way. I hate to hear your self esteem taking a nose dive over a stupid job. Whoever got the job probably blew the boss in the washroom. You keep being you, the perfect wonderful woman you are...and someone is going to recognize that, without you having to slob the knob for a job! See how that rhymed? You better have smiled! *hugs ya*
CP.
Hey everyone;
Thanks for your kind and totally sensible comments.
Miss fabulous - I love your blog more!
nanuk - Actually, I got the impression that one wouldn't be allowed to pee on company time.
brian - it was pretty bizarre alright. You're right; I'm a thinker, not an airhead!
ams - i called them...this is dublin after all!!!
cp - i more than smiled; may have broken something in the process, but it wasn't worth much ;) sure hope your hotband knows what he's got in you!
Oh Anna, of course he knows what he has in me. Whaddya think he is coming home for? He knows he has to compete with hotties like YOU now, for my attention!
Stiff competition, I'm tellin' ya!
You just keep being you, dollface, and let destiny handle the rest. Big things in store for you, I can feel it!
CP.
Aw, yeah, it's really hard not to take things like that personally some times.. but it's true, you're probably better off with a different opportunity. Good luck with the job search!
I'm an employment counselor/ recruiter. I see crap like this every day. Of course, I can only speak for American employers, but most have made up their mind in the first few minutes of an interview. Many have someone already chosen but have to go through the interview process to validate their choice. Most often these employers hire someone that I would never dream of hiring. Soon enough, that person doesn't work out and they come back to me to open the same position. Check back in about 2-4 weeks to see if the position is still filled.
My advice at this point is: send a thankyou note anyway. Many times the person they choose ends up not taking the job (or doing a piss poor job) and they go to their second choice.
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