Numb as a Post

I've never understood why I am attracted to things that are bad for me. Coffee, diet pop, potato chips, anything battered and deep fried, wine, chocolate, rich sauces, desserts and relationships with people who are bipolar. These are just a few of the things I can't seem to resist. At least, not for very long.

Why can't I get addicted to something really great for me like exercise? I'd love to be one of those people you see out and about, looking great and obviously high on endorphins.

I have an excellent endorphin system too; when I broke my ankle, I didn't even feel it. Oh, I knew it was broken and I knew it was broken badly. But it was the intellectual, not the experiential sort of knowledge.

It wasn't that I was having an out of body experience. I did not watch myself from another corner of the room. I simply did not feel pain. I believe that numbing the area was my body's natural reaction to the trauma. My endorphin system worked exactly as it should given the circumstances and, according to the team in the emergency department, better than most.

So it only follows that I should be an exercise addict; one of those people who gets off on gruelling workouts and marathon running. Alas, I'd rather sit than sweat. Sigh.